Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Gray
I thought today was a reasonably alright day. Woke up a bit late and did not feel like putting on contact lenses cause my eyes were too tired and sleepy. So I brought the lenses to work and put it on there.
My dark circles were so apparent and so ugly.
The lenses did not feel well in my eyes. I thought I found the right brand, but somehow these still irritated me. Like my eyes were so cold and dry and I had to blink so very often. Sometimes my sight goes blurry if I stare at something continuously, without diverting anywhere, for a while.
But I let it be. Let it be. Let it be. Let it be.
It was a quiet day. Not much commotion. Went for a meeting. Did my work.
At the end of the day, got alerted on a mistake. A mistake so small, it shouldn't have mattered much. But I've made this same mistake, like a few others, oh so many times that it's now simply pathetic that I even make it.
What am I, a rookie on her first day at work?
And then while waiting for my ride home, I sit at the bus station, surrounded by people waiting for their ride home, feeling so miserably lonely.
I can't name a friend here.
And I've been here two years.
I can't find anything to say to anyone.
Even after two years of acquaintances.
Was I always so socially inept?
Oh yes. You have always been this way. Ever the loner. Sitting at the corner alone. Wondering who to talk to. Who to have lunch with. You. You. You.
And my eyes are now so sleepy, from wearing the contact lenses, but I couldn't fall asleep. Which is irony, because sleep is like my forte.
You know those little rats or guinea pigs or hamsters kept in a cage with a treadmill? I feel like one of them right now. Stuck in a little cage, within a big big world, having to run the same old treadmill every day, each the same food every day, and sleeping only to wake up to repeat. Except I actually have the key to the cage, but this key is hidden under a hay of fear and reluctance.
It saddens me that you are stuck in this cage with me. Sometimes I feel that without me, you would have been able to find the key a lot easier.
